It was never the title she would have chosen for her op-ed in Christianity Today. The titling alone created an uproar.
People who misunderstood.
People who never read the rich, insightful piece.
People who dolloped criticism rather than compassion.
“Stop Sending Cheery Christmas Cards” isn’t opposed to Christmas cards at all. In fact, my fellow joy warrior, is quite supportive of them. Tucked into her tender, well-written post resides a message that none of us can afford to miss this holiday season.
Kay Warren shares that after the death of her son Matthew, she divided the Christmas cards she received into three piles.
The first didn’t mention their family’s grief.
The second included a short, “Praying for you.”
The third offered soothing, thoughtful words of compassion and empathy.
That final pile proved the smallest.
She notes that many Christmas letters today are brochures of the years’ accolades, accomplishments, photos of trophies and trips around the world.
High-gloss, happy family photos can be hard to receive when you’re the one who has experienced great loss or pain.
When you’ve lost a son or daughter, spouse or parent. When the bank forecloses on your house. When you’ve signed divorce papers. When mental illness takes up residence in your body or someone you know. When you’re battling a vicious disease.
What do you say or do then?
On a Facebook post, Kay advises:
“Tell them in a few words that you are aware of how painful Christmas can be and that you are praying for them. Yes, it’s inconvenient—it will take more time than your rushed signature, and it will require entering into someone else’s loss, mourning, grief, and anger.”
Why had I never thought of this? Why had I never considered this?
Why didn’t Kay post this letter three weeks earlier this year so I could have done this before my Christmas mailing went out?
It’s simply brilliant. Compassionate. Demonstrates the love of God Christ showed during this season.
In upcoming years, I’m hopeful that my holiday cards won’t be the same thanks to Kay’s wise words. And yours won’t be either.
Thank you for sharing this… Great words… This has been a long time struggle for me… I have not been the one necessarily in the dark times at Christmas… But the one who is walking right through that dark tunnel with others…How this season has joy and sorrow mingled together Years ago, my family walked with a friend with 3 small children whose husband was in prison … … I struggled how these two can co-exist together… This season made me start reevaluating they way we walk and celebrate through The Christmas season… In my youthful zeal… I started to trim away the excesses until I hacked it to death…I lost celebration… Not because of my pain…but mostly from not knowing how to suffer along side those in pain…. I can say Grace and age are teaching me a better way… A way to enter into someone suffering …without snuffing out my own joy… Only with humble grace and love can joy and sorrow co-exists … This Christmas season… I walk with a friend whose husband just died…and a niece whose unwanted divorce just became final…I pray for them and others…God will continue to teach us all a more Kingdom way to walk with those who live in the midst of loss…while others celebrate around them!!!
Praying for you as you continue to lavish your friends with love, Ro. You’re so good at it. Huge hug and Merry Christmas!
This is exactly what I needed to read today! Just last night I learned of family members who are starting divorce procedures after Christmas. While my heart is breaking for them and their young children, a cute photo of my kids sitting on the beach doesn’t express that at all. I just couldn’t bring myself to send that Christmas card today. So thankful for this post.
I read the article and then this post and it’s exactly what we need to hear. It’s such a simple thing but people have a hard time extending themselves to others is such a personal way. Maybe because it reminds them of their own hard things that they wish others would take the time to acknowledge? But I know this, we can shrink the elephant in the room more so with our compassion and honesty than we can with our silence or avoidance.
This post is a call to reach out… and essentially, is the call of Christ… thank you Kay and Margaret! Thank you!
Praying for their family, Emily. And for you- as you become the living, breathing extension of Christ’s love in their lives.
“Maybe because it reminds them of their own hard things that they wish others would take the time to acknowledge?”
I think you may be right, Christine. I know I’ve been guilty of that, too. So grateful for Kay’s instructions– changes the way I think about Christmas cards this year.
I enjoy reading the articles This is something I always wanting to do in shares my though and feel with real christians people.Where I understand I can be myself without someone judgement me.I love God word this is my life because without God i don’t no where I would be.
Amen!
Love this post and Ro comment. I work retail and have made a commitment to not let it suck the joy out of me. Since I work so hard not letting the job suck my joy I avoid people who would also be joy killers. Which is so wrong and selfish but this post is reminder that they need me and and a simple way to help while keeping my joy.
I enjoyed the book Kay Warren wrote, Choose Joy, Because Happiness Isn’t Enough. I’m looking forward to Margaret’s new book due to my cancer struggle this last year. I praise God for healing! And yes, I’ve said no to a lot more things this year like no cards and yes to family togetherness! Having life threatening Illness and becoming caretakers opens your eyes to a lot of things that just don’t matter as much like pink underwear.
Amen! Hope you had a great Christmas, Kim.
Praying for you, Kathy!
Our family has been on the receiving end of the cheery-over-the-top-with-accolades-Christmas-letters for years, particularly from one family who seemed to always be the gold medal winners in whatever they did. We, on the other hand, were raising five children, two of them with special needs….and one of them had severe behaviors pretty much daily until he was placed in a home at 17. (Long history of pain there so hopefully no one will judge). The clincher came one year when the infamous card came and began something along these line, “God is so good….we have achieved thus and such, the kids did …., we went on this adventurous vacation…etc.”.
I hung my head thinking how our family just tried to survive every day….and then I felt the Lord reminding me that even in our situation He was still good and we could trust Him for what He was allowing. I realized that what I didn’t like about their cards was the unintentional implication that God was good BECAUSE (and while) our circumstances were good. While I believe it is good to give God praise and thanks, His goodness does not depend on my circumstances here on earth. Years later, the cards don’t bother me near as much but they did teach me a lesson very similar to Kay’s which I often shared with others when appropriate. There are ways to be real and glorify God at the same time! Long way to say I loved the article!