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Margaret and Leif Oines

My husband, Leif, never imagined after a decade of marriage that he’d wake up and find his role had shifted from spouse to caregiver.

In the wake of a difficult diagnosis, he spent long hours driving me to hundreds of doctors’ appointments, watched me endure brutal medical treatments, and took over countless everyday tasks when I could no longer care for myself.

Leif has been my rock through the past painful 15 months. But, as any caregiver understands, it hasn’t come without a price. You’ll catch glimpses of this in the Fight Back With Joy and Bible study releasing January 6. Pre-order your copy today and receive some awesome gifts.

I asked Leif to share a bit of his wisdom:

What do you wish someone had told you earlier about being a caregiver?

Take care of yourself. If you don’t have anything in the tank then you aren’t any good as a caregiver. Take time off and time away to recharge your mind, body, and emotions.

Don’t assume what they need. The assumptions you make about the other person and your usual roles will have to adjust.

After the first few years of marriage, our household tasks had settled. Margaret took over the laundry, in part, because so many of her clothes needed special handling. Though I offered to do laundry during treatment, she clung to it because it allowed her a sense of normalcy. However, my clothing paid the price. Most of my whites aren’t white anymore. A few are even pink.

Anticipate that the roles and functions of the relationship will change, but rather than assume what you need to take over, communicate with your loved one.

What are some of the common mistakes of caregivers?

Not sharing how you’re feeling. You need to have people to talk to other than the person you’re caring for about the situation and how you’re processing.

Forgetting to do the things that bring you joy. When you take care of yourself you have more to give. Make time each week to do something that fills you—whether that’s cooking a gourmet meal, watching your favorite show, taking a walk in your neighborhood, or joining a rec sports team.

Slip into unhealthy food habits and stop exercising. If you aren’t healthy, you can’t help anyone. Be intentional to get the rest, fuel, and exercise you need to maintain your health and well-being.

Joyful Days

What is one unexpected gift that you’ve seen from caregiving?

Serving someone who really can’t serve me back. It is an amazing opportunity to live a little bit more unselfishly than I ever would have before. I don’t know what it would look like after 30 years of caregiving but I am grateful for the chance to be a more of a servant than I was before my wife’s diagnosis.

In Fight Back With Joy, Leif offers practical advice, wisdom, and encouragement for you or someone you know who has been thrust into a caregiving situation. We pray this book and Bible study will be a blessing and source of strength to not only people facing crisis, but for those who love them, too.

What encouragement do you have for someone who is a caregiver?

*Original Photo Source


Be someone who rises above endless demands and become more winsome, cheerful, and thankful through Margaret’s new book and Bible study, Fight Back With Joy: Regret Less. Celebrate More. Stare Down Your Greatest Fears. Click here to purchase your copy.

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