Most of us are skilled at hiding our own shortcomings in everyday life. But have you ever noticed that something happens when you gather around the table?
Our warts have a way of coming out.
If you don’t believe me…think back to a holiday meal. Most of us can recount a story of someone who said something so awkward no one knew how to respond. The uncle who kicked off a political argument that nobody wanted to have. The in-law or friend whose offhanded comment cut you deep.
The table has a way of unmasking us. Revealing our imperfections and woundedness.
This tendency challenges us in at least two ways:
First, how do we join a table that should be a place of unity, community, and joy in the midst of our brokenness?
Second, how do we respond with compassion when we encounter someone else’s brokenness?
These questions are unavoidable if we want to experience the joy of the table.
One of the most frequent themes in the New Testament is mealtime. But if you look closely at these meals you uncover a rhythm.
As Eugene Peterson points out, there is a pattern of being….
Blessed. Broken. Given.
Peterson says, “[These three elements are] the shape of the Eucharist. [They are] the shape of the Gospel. [They are] the shape of the Christian life.”
The table is not just a place where hungry people gather to eat, it’s a place where broken people gather to belong.
So how do we create tables of belonging? Tables of inclusion? Tables of love?
One of the many startling discoveries in my research for Taste and See: Discovering God Among Butchers, Bakers, and Fresh Food Makers, is the source of hospitality.
God is the genesis of all hospitality.
He designed the blueprint of the garden as an Ultimate Chef’s buffet—seeding the world with beans and greens and tangerines. He met the original couple in the cool of the day—placing them at ease, at comfort. They were completely disarmed, enveloped in acceptance and love. I imagine those walks involved conversation alongside noshes and nibbles of sugary fruits, crunchy veggies, and more.
So how do we put people at ease, at comfort, enveloped in acceptance and love?
Here are three practical tactics:
1. Before you share a meal in your home, ask about preferences, food allergies, and the preferred beverage. The first two are common, but the third is a way to make a person feel loved and at ease. For less than a dollar, you can pick up a guest’s favorite soda, tea, or preference in a way that communicates, “You matter. You’re worth paying attention to. Your voice is heard.” And all that with a single sip
2. Consider how you can create places and spaces of connection. When guests come to our home, we often gather in the kitchen—a natural connection place. We’ll place out a charcuterie—a simple tray of meats, cheeses, nuts, fruits, and crackers (including gluten-free) for people to savor. The kitchen is a heart of the home—one that makes people feel participatory, included, and involved.
3. Pray before your guests arrive. Just as God’s presence graced the original couple, how much our souls ache to experience Him, too. Though dozens of options fill menus, take-out orders, and grocery store aisles, the deepest longing of the human heart is to experience that which money can’t buy. To know and to be known. To give and receive. To be vulnerable and well received. Invite God to walk in the cool of the day before and during the meal served.
My hope and prayer over the next few weeks is that you will experience table time as transformation and taste and see God’s goodness in soul renewing ways.
If you haven’t pre-ordered your copy of Taste and See: Discovering God Among Butchers, Bakers
—grab your copy here today!
How do you nurture hospitality in your home and life?
My husband and I love to invite people to our table. We decided to be more intentional about this in 2019!
Love that, Karen! May your table be one of overwhelming love and acceptance, and may those who grace it feel known. Hugs!
I’ve got my copy of Taste and See already. Can’t wait to get started.
Yay! Enjoy!
One of my strong gifts is hospitality, my husband’s too. We love to entertain. I am really looking foward to reading Taste and See and inviting others to join us for the study. Thanks Margaret, you’ve done it again !!!
Love,
Trish
Lalalove! If you try any of the recipes included in the book, send us pictures so we can live vicariously!
I am being intentional to bring people together, not to entertain but to gather! I have a big sign in my living room that reads “Gather” and another that reads Acts 2:46 – “They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.” These are daily reminders to me. But, I am making sure that once a month we gather together by inviting friends over for dinner and good conversation. 🙂 Excited to receive my book. Hope it comes in soon!
Wonderful! Love the intentionality, Diana!
It’s Mealtime !!!
It’s always a thrill to gather with friends for a great meal at a good restaurant. It’s a time we sit and relax and enjoy the company of the ones we love. Everyone’s catching up on the latest and sharing a tale or two…
Margaret Feinberg in her Bible Study, “Taste & See”, declares this time together “Table Time”… she explains that “Table Time” is “Transformation Time”… before I continue with this thought, let’s look at Revelation 3.
Revelation 3:20 (NIV)
“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”
I’m a visual person… in reading this Scripture, I can envision our Lord patiently waiting at my door gently knocking. After answering the door and joyfully inviting Jesus Himself into my home and requesting that He join me for a meal… He gladly accepts. Wow !!! Jesus !!!! At my table !!!
I may stutter in excitement and try not to spill coffee on my special Guest while Jesus shares Spiritual truths with me.
Just as I would thoroughly and attentively listen as each of my friends share stories at our meal time, I’m sure I’d be leaning in to grasp every word Jesus spoke.
What’s neat is that the Lord does want us to invite Him to every mealtime so that He can “transform” us with His words of wisdom. Are you inviting Jesus to all of your meal gatherings ?
Howard Sharp
Thank you for sharing, Howard! Hugs!
Hosting the first bible study and a little nervous about it! I love the idea of hospitality and want to be more hospitable but I worry too much about things like decor and dog hair that I missed with the vacuum and did I put enough salt or too much in the soup! Ha Ha! Love your words here, I can hear my former pastor Eugene Peterson “Pastor Pete” as we called him saying those words, ” the shape of the Christian life.” I look forward to this study and I will try your suggestions to prepare for our first one. Thanks!
So excited for you, Heidi! I bet your ladies will be full of grace & gratitude for you. Praying peace over your gatherings! Hugs!
Hospitality is an effort for me to work on this year! It’s such a lost art–having people over for a meal. I love the tips you gave. Your upcoming book is a one-of-a-kind book that will present a new way to look at food.
Lalalove that it’s your focus this year! May it be life-giving to you and those you host! Hugs!
I love this post! I just listened to you on Jamie Ivey’s podcast and loved hearing about your adventures while writing your new book!!
I am wondering where to find the conversation starter cards you mentioned. I look forward to taking your advice and putting it to use!
Hi Kelly! So glad you listened! Please email my team at hello@margaretfeinberg.com for the conversation starters. Hugs!
I want you to know I first heard you speak in Lowell, MA., which then I follow you on Instagram. I loved your look on life and the fresh perspective you brought to God’s word. So I am excited to get this series, because you answered a question I have had for about 5 years. I also follow Pastor Joseph Prince who has taught me there is nothing in God’s word by accident. So I always look up names as I read especially in old testament to see how they are pointing me to Jesus. The one that stumped me was Tamar. Then I again was looking at the names and order in Matthew 1 and came to Tamar again from my looking at Strongs, Brown, Thayers, couldn’t get a clear picture. So put on hold that day the next day I went to Instagram and boom MY ANSWER, the date Palm tree, I was first excited because been seeking answer for years, second because I was just looking at it day before!!! How I love how the Lord works with the one body. I am definitely getting the whole package that you offer. Thank you for listening to the holy spirit and working on something that another sister in Christ can learn form. How blessed I am to be living in a day and time when to be knit together in love is so easily attained. Thank you sweet sister for listening to God’s voice.
Margaret – What happens next when a table becomes “unsafe”? ie: When we gather to share a meal and start to discuss issues, and a member around the table says to another at the table something very harsh, cutting and mean – it can break the table, or “bankrupt” the fellowship. Then, the group tries to force the healing by telling the injured party that they must forgive, it dilutes the power of the table. This has actually happened, it is not a conceptual case study. We are almost feeling compelled to go to a different church over this. So sad.
David,
yes, the table is messy. and there are toxic people. I think that if there’s a member that’s being harsh, cutting, and mean, perhaps it’s time to address the issue with grace and truth. To have that one table, let alone your relationship with your church, shattered over one person doesn’t seem good or healthy. I’m a big fan of the book crucial conversations…praying you find a way through rather than out of.