What begins as a gift soon becomes a grind.
Endless demands. Pressing deadlines. Unexpected interruptions.
The pressure to perform and produce can leave us feeling weary in the marrow of our being. The joy designed to grow into sweet plumpness soon shrivels. Smiles become forced. Sparkling eyes grow dim.
Those closest to us see the shift long before we recognize it in ourselves. Perhaps this is one reason Paul asks,
“Where is that joyful and grateful spirit you felt then?” (Galatians 4:15, NLT)
All leaders—no matter the role or responsibility—are susceptible to losing their sense of happy certainty in God. This becomes all the more acute when your workplace or those you loved or you are are faced with sudden loss, pain, suffering, or death.
In Fight Back With Joy book and Bible study, I share what began as a journey of joy and soon became a terrifying expedition when I was diagnosed with cancer. Tortured alive through brutal experiments, joy felt so out of reach. But somewhere along the way, I discovered that more than whimsy, joy is a weapon we use to fight life’s battles.
Whatever battlefield you find yourself on in life—as a person whose joy-o-meter has bumped down a notch or burned out completely or if you’re in the fight of your life—here are four ways you can begin to fight back with joy as a leader and encourage others to do the same.
1. Sidle Up to The Lighthearted.
With all the responsibilities of work, it’s easy to become task oriented and give into a getter-done, check-it-off the list mindset. Everything and everyone can soon become projects. Any sense of levity soon disappears. That’s why it’s so important as leaders to carve out time with people who remind you not to take life, ministry, or yourself too seriously.
Who tells the best jokes, makes you laugh the hardest, and lives as a bundle of joy? Make a list of names. Even if the list is short, pick up the phone and schedule some time to get together and just laugh. Enjoy each other. Allow their lightheartedness to rub off on you. Take an hour to hang out with a young kid and play. A five-year-old usually has oodles of joy and they love to share. Make time for the happy-go-lucky of life to breathe delight into your soul.
2. Create a Portal of Praise.
In Philippians 4:4, the Apostle Paul instructs us to “Rejoice in the Lord always.” When the situations and circumstances we’re facing take our joy, we can still find the refuge of divine delight by reflecting on the faithfulness of God. Though everything spirals out of control, God remains in control. Though our emotions tell us give up and run away, Jesus invites the most battle weary to sit in the seat closest to Him. Though we have no words to offer God, we can still give him our song.
Where is the place you’re most frustrated and beat down as a leader? Perhaps it’s a room in your church. The children’s ministry. An associate pastor’s office. Your accounting desk. The vision. The empty seats. Go to that place and begin offering up words of worship. Like the prophet Habakkuk, worship God anyway. Create a portal of praise. And not always, but sometimes, you’ll sense an ever so faint surge of joy.
3. Embrace Mourning As a Discipline.
It sounds counterintuitive, but in order to experience more joy, we must learn to mourn well. Our culture gives us endless lists of how to produce and accomplish more, even a handful of helpful hints on how to celebrate the wins of life. Rarely does anyone speak or make space for mourning the losses.
No matter how many wins you’ve managed to string together in a row, losses exist, too. Sometimes it’s loss of someone you love. The death of a dream. The startling realization that life didn’t turn out like you hoped. It’s easier to jump from win to win like lily pads in a pond, but unless you allow yourself to enter the cloudy depths of grief and mourning, your emotional bandwidth will contract. Your ability to experience pain will diminish, but so will your ability to experience joy.
As a leader, you have losses that need mourning. Take a moment. Pull out a sheet of paper. Ask the Holy Spirit what losses you’ve experienced over the last year. What you record just might surprise you. Often we tell ourselves, “That was no big deal,” when in fact, it was a very big deal.
Take some time to talk to God about each one. Perhaps confide in a spouse or friend. Pull away to allow yourself to rest and reflect, to process the pain. Consider writing a lament. A letter to God. Acknowledge the loss and ask for wisdom on how God wants to bring healing.
4. Help Others Fight Back With Joy.
Over the past few years, I’ve had well-meaning people speak life, hope, and love into me during the some of the darkest days of battling cancer. Their words were Honeycrisps dipped in 24-karat gold served on silver platters. Other words are like gut punches, leaving me breathless, hunched, hurting.
These individuals never mean to cause harm, they mean to help, really they do, but the pat answers, the Scriptures ripped out of context, the spouting of phrases they’d never paid a price to own, cut me to my core. I started to browse through greeting card aisles, wondering how hard it really was to find a well-written card. Few to none of the cards were written for people with ongoing crisis, loss or adversity, and those available were wah-wah.
One day I’ve got to create some cards that will breathe life and hope and love, I thought.
Our team has been working to make these cards a reality. The first set of When You Don’t Know What to Say greeting cards are now available in our store.
We’ve worked with an artist to create modern, bright n’ beautiful designs. Each of the six cards is designed to encourage and inspire. Some are written with a good dose of humor; others are created to rekindle relationships. All are designed to equip you to help those facing tough times fight back with joy.
What are you going to do to fight back with joy this week?
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“It sounds counterintuitive, but in order to experience more joy, we must learn to mourn well.” Thank you Margaret, I needed to read these words. Mourning well. What does that look like? This last week I have fallen into a hole where I truly feel as if God has forsaken me. It is not the first time. Ultimately, I just want to be Loved. I have been basking in His vertical love however the horizontal is majorly lacking. I will love on others, serve others (it actually gives me joy) and here I sit praying that the Joy of the Lord would be my strength. This week I found myself acutely aware of all of the hell that has hit me since becoming a believer. Sickness, loss…lots & lots of loss as in deaths & relationships, financial loss & I am mourning the loss of relationship, not having real, authentic community in my church…a lot of this has to do with me… a single old broad who has never gotten married. Not that marriage is the ultimate goal nor should it be but humans tend to gravitate towards others that have same interests and so many women are wrapped up in their families, primarily their children. I have also listened to friends going on about their husbands with the retort that “I am so lucky to have not gotten married”. After giving more spiritual support (which really isn’t what was wanted I guess), those women stay clear of me. Being married, having a family of my own has been a longing of my heart that has never been fulfilled. It’s just really, really hard to go through the struggles without human support. I’m not talking about the checking it off the list support but someone that is “There” for you. I know that Jesus is with me, I know that. But I need the human here & now ‘there’ for me. After an ER visit, I sent out a text for prayer, that I needed help. I only had 2 friends from church respond. I had asked if they could come & just be with me. I was so sick, I did not want to be alone. I couldn’t make food or anything, but I just have those Bridget Jones Diary visions of me dying and my dogs eating on me before someone finds my body. One never responded back and the other said that they would pick up something from the grocery for me and sat for a few min. to talk with me but had to get things done before the kids got home from school. My older mentor, who I am grateful to God for, keeps telling me “let it go”, “grieve it”…I have been trying, I have been trying, I have been asking how, I have been pleading how. I’m at this point of letting my church go & letting go of God.
Margaret, “Though everything spirals out of control, God remains in control”. Yes. I wish I could type that “yes” the way my spirit feels it. It’s wonderful to reflect on that truth, those words you’ve “spoken”….that God speaks to my heart and soul. Wondrous. Holy. Sweet.
Aaaand about the mourning part…hmmm…this made me stop. And think. And think again. I have been struggling with a couple recurrent “if only,” “if I could do it again,””I wish I could/would have” things in my life. They are truly joy stealers…but they are linked to real things that I desperately wish I’d lived differently mostly for the sake of His Name and the blessing of others. BUT your words make me think, hmmm…perhaps I need to mourn these things well, through the lense of faith and the truths of His word. I have tried applying the truths of His Word and faith to all of my grief but there is something in what you have written that has me thinking that “mourning well” just might be something that enables me move past the regret and enter into the joy God has for me even in things that seem only mourning worthy. I’m going to be reflecting on this over the next while and for sure the next time the grief and regret rears its joy stealing head. (P.S. don’t read what I’ve written to mean I will become morbidly introspective or allow the accuser of the brethern ground…that’s one of his big m.o.’s in my life…in fact, I think the “mourning well” will rob the accuser of his ground…)
I am grateful to His words that come through you and that you faithfully share them. Praying for you. 0 and a bazzillion!
“These individuals never mean to cause harm, they mean to help, really they do, but the pat answers, the Scriptures ripped out of context, the spouting of phrases they’d never paid a price to own, cut me to my core.”
I can TOTALLY relate to this right now. My husband left me almost a year ago and has now filed for divorce. The Lord has done a MIRACULOUS work of healing me and drawing me closer to Him during one of the worst seasons of my life, and in the midst of it all has spoken to me to stand for my marriage (in His grace and strength). I have discovered that this is not a popular view…even within the Church! It’s painful and heart-wrenching to be going through this death (of a marriage/family), but it’s made infinitely worse to have people [whom I know genuinely love and care about me] respond in such insensitive and untimely ways.
I so appreciate your journey and the nuggets you’re choosing to share with us…thank you, sister!
~Carla, a fellow Joy Fighter 🙂
Carla, sweet friend- praying for you as you fight back with joy in the midst of what you’re facing. May God douse you with extra strength and grace and love. Huge hug.
Margaret, for the first time I’m leading a cancer support group for our local small community. Chances are there won’t be many people. Any ideas of what you would like discussed if you were attending?
Praying for total healing for you!
Sherry