Forgiveness isn’t always a one and done act.
When you feel hurt or wronged or misunderstood or misinterpreted or maligned, it’s easy for unforgiveness to drip into your soul and ferment, seeping into more layers of your attitude and actions than you realize.
When you feel those hot emotions flare or the hear the crack of cynicism in your thoughts or words, it’s a sign you’ve become tied to what’s happened in an unhealthy way.
Freedom awaits through forgiveness.
Yet sometimes it’s not easy to forgive. A friend who I trusted recently did something that made me feel betrayed. She never intended to hurt me, but the wound cut deep. Since then every time I’ve looked at her I haven’t really seen her. I’ve seen the betrayal, felt the pain, and echoed the question, “How could you?”
I’ve said I forgive her aloud to myself and to God. But to be honest, the forgiveness wasn’t sticking. I was just as angry the next time I saw her.
That’s when learned the importance of practicing 360 Degree Forgiveness.
360 Degree Forgiveness invites us to look upward, outward, inward, and all around as we pursue forgiveness.
UPWARD
For me, that meant realizing I was miffed at God for allowing the situation to happen.
Let me be clear: God is perfect. God never needs our forgiveness for a something that happened. But sometimes we have to practice forgiveness toward God for our own healing and freedom.
In the case of my friend, I was angry that God didn’t stop or prevent the situation from happening. Though I didn’t want to say it aloud, I was fuming mad at God. And releasing that anger meant saying, God, though you have done no wrong, I forgive you for what I had perceived as a wrong. Will you forgive me for being mad at you?
In practicing forgiveness toward God, I found that suddenly I could talk to God about the situation in ways I couldn’t have before. I began to see my friend from God’s perspective, one of love and compassion and understanding.
God can do no wrong but sometimes in our heart we feel wronged by god and so we need to release God from our anger, disappointment, frustration —in the process we begin having more honest conversations than we ever have and experience deeper healing
OUTWARD
I also needed to forgive my friend. This time I didn’t just forgive her aloud, I blessed her and prayed for her. I even did something kind. In the process, my hard heart softened. And I asked God to forgive me for my unforgiveness.
INWARD
All that seething had made me inwardly toxic. I didn’t even want to be around myself when I was around her and that was frustrating. This may sound strange, but I needed to forgive myself for being mad at myself for behaving in such an unpleasant way. So after forgiveness reached upward and outward, it needed to reach inward.
ALL AROUND
True freedom also meant remembering the person I’d unloaded on and asking for their forgiveness for my anger and angst. The person said, “You were fine, no worries.” But somehow reaching out gave me an even deeper sense of freedom.
Scripture encourages us toward 360 Degree Forgiveness when Christ says in Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Our ability to be forgiven is intrinsically linked to our ability to forgive others. Let’s start practicing this radical forgiveness today.
Which is hardest for you—practicing 360 Degree Forgiveness upward, outward, inward, or all around?
Though I understand the idea or concept of practicing forgiveness toward God and the need to express my hurt to Him, I cannot see how can I forgive God for something He did not do. In fact, if someone needs to ask for forgiveness, this person is me, for being mad at God because I do not understand His ways. Forgiveness implies wrongdoing, and God never does it.
Perhaps we can find another word to express the emotions we feel when we falsely understand that God did us wrong.
Forgiveness is an interesting thing. It’s about letting go of what we think the other person owes us. When we let go, we release that debt and discover we were the one that was freed.
Perfect explanation, Dennis! It is about a heart change in us!
I am SO there! In two different freedom in Christ conferences, we were asked if we needed to forgive God, when we made a list of those we needed to forgive. This kind of forgiveness implies that we recognize God’s sovereignty and God’s loving presence with us – even in the awful, painful times, when we wonder how something so terrible could happen. And you’re right, Margaret – this opens up a dialogue with God, where our deep hurts can begin to heal. Forgiveness is certainly a process, not a “one and done” . When the offense comes back to mind, I must forgive again and again. John Bevere’s book, The Bait of Satan – Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense has been pivotal in my life.
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing, Robyn!
I can identify with what you are saying. Being able to forgive someone or even God, isn’t about letting them “off the hook” for something they did or didn’t do but about your mindset to move forward. I find myself closed off to God when I believe he could have prevented something or answered prayer differently. God is sovereign but if you don’t believe that in your mind, it stops your relationship with him. I think outward forgiveness is hardest. I know God loves and forgives me and I cant stay mad at God long but people are another matter. haha.
Thank you for sharing, Brenda! Hugs!
Yes,Margaret, I needed to forgive God. I guess just because He doesn’t let me in on His perfect plan, I have become like a sulking child. So many things that are happening in my life can’t possibly make good sense in my mind, but I must forgive Him for not bowing to my selfish demands, and I must learn to not hold a grudge just because He didn’t tell me ‘why’ things are as they are. I long for that freedom – and I know freedom brings joy! Thanks for being real, and helping me today!
I especially appreciated having the way to think about this. I known God is good and never makes mistakes. I know this in my mind but in my “temper tantrum” I have a childish mind. I can work my way through this by first “forgiving God for making me mad” and that can calm me down enough to move back into my more adult mind where I can ask God to forgive me for thinking he was wrong. I can give up my childish ways and regain my right mind.
This reminds me of the way God said, Come let us reason together.
That may be one of the hardest things to let go…not understanding. Thanks for sharing! Hugs!
I am having a hard time with forgiving God by him not answering my desperate prayer of rest. Rest for and in my physical body, in my spirit, and well just in general. I feel that the enemy has really been against me and I am not understanding why I do not have rest. I feel that I have been obedient to God, I am “doing” my part. And yet I still don’t understand why I can not get rest. Can anyone help with scripture or maybe some advice they have received from God during their time of trails and how they received rest and heard from the Lord?
HI there, I am so sorry you aren’t finding rest. Jesus wants to either carry our burdens or help us through them. Isaiah 40:31 is a great help to me. Also , reading a Shepherds Looks at the 23rd Psalm is good. It helps you see the God/Jesus you are following and all the Help that He can be. Praying for you just now.
Ask for rest.
Thank you for chiming in, Pam! Hugs!
I know the struggle, Misty. Pam shared some excellent Scripture. Praying rest over you! Huge hug!
I love the idea of 360 degree freedom! For me forgiveness also happens over time. As you mentioned, i also think I have forgiven quickly and internal anger alerts me—beep, beep—you haven’t forgiven yet!
Love that you recognize that, Sharon! Hugs!
Thank you for addressing this issue. Our Priest has often said that God has big shoulders and it is alright to be mad at God. I have had to go back and ask HIS forgiveness so many times and he always forgives me so does the person that I was mad at. Again Thank you for addressing this issue.
So grateful God can handle our emotions! Hugs!
Over the past 15+ years with situations in my family, I’ve learned so very many lessons, not the least of which is, God is big enough to take me being angry with Him & asking Him “Why?” when I didn’t understand why He allowed something to happen. I’ve also learned that God wastes nothing and He has taken every situation that I didn’t understand and, over time, redeemed them all. That has taught me not only to “forgive” Him when I don’t understand but also to trust Him when something happens. I know that, either in this life or the next, He will reveal to me the “whys. I don’t necessarily need to forgive Him as much as I need to trust Him no matter what.
Beautiful, Cindy. Thank you for sharing!
You nailed it Margaret. I think in our humanity we often struggle to give up our need to understand how life can go so horribly wrong when surely God could do something about it. As Rich Mullins sang so many years ago, Surrender don’t come natural to me. While I have learned how key forgiveness is, toward God, myself and others, I am currently watching my children struggle to get there because of a hugely unjust situation we’re all facing. I trust the Lord will bless them with conviction and a desire to please Him that takes them beyond the current justification for bitterness. Forgiveness on every front is key to freedom. Thank you for your transparency.
Thank you for the kind words, Ronda! Hugs!
I believe in forgiveness as God has forgiven me, however, my brothers constant harassing behavior makes it difficult for me to keep forgiving him. I pray to the Lord to assist me with his constant emotional manipulation and for my protection, but my brother continues to cause me much emotional distress. How can I continue to forgive him for issues he believes are not true. He claims he is a master manipulatir/narcissist and does no wrong. My sister and I are Christians and pray for him, as he professes he is a Christian too. Help us understand how to forgive on a daily basis. Where in the Scripture can we find peace/reprieve?
That is a difficult situation, Laura. It may be worth a visit with your pastor for further insight. Prayers over you and your sister!
Amen! I really needed this. I am SO angry with God for allowing my beautiful daughter-in-law to be taken from us so young. No warning signs; nothing to indicate that she would simply faint and be gone from us forever. She left behind 2 young daughters (1 15 and 1 12-1/2) who REALLY REALLY REALLY need their mom. And left my son without his best friend and “life” partner of almost 30 years. How can He take a godly woman, one who was making a difference in so many young lives and tear up the hearts of so many people? (nearly 1,000 people came to her memorial service.) What is the purpose and where is the justice and goodness in that? This has shaken my faith to the core!
Huge hug to you, Carey! I feel your pain and pray peace over you and your family. My heart aches for you all.
Thoroughly enjoyed the topic. If we do not forgive others, it will only our loss. Anger will hurt us physically and mentally. Also as you mentioned the biggest loss will be we miss the grace of almighty. Thanks for posting.
Thank you for the kind words of encouragement!
I find “Forgiveness”, so daily! It seems that opportunities to practice forgiveness are never ceasing. Although I have and do struggle with the fact that God allows things to come at me, He has shown me, and continues to show me, the need for me to look back to look forward. What is it that God has been working on in my life? And how does this connect to that? When I look for the connection, I usually walk away with a different perspective, a different revealed opportunity. An opportunity for growth, change, appreciation and gratitude that God is forever working on my heart and life to bring it forward to reveal His glory. He loves us, for me that is the bottom line and every opportunity is a “gift to be unwrapped”. Thank You God!
Margaret–
several years ago you shared a letter you had received during the holidays–a letter confessing every and all ways he had wronged, offended, or otherwise caused hurt to others and asking for forgiveness– in the most humble, loving way. I hope you can recall the letter I am referring to, and please send it to me–I am in need of those exact words! Thank you