My sweet friend, Kathleen Brooks, leads a small group of people who are fighting cancer—some with stage 4. I was moved as she asked me to pray that those she’s leading have increasing hope and deepening faith and trust in Him—that they would experience God’s wonder.
Her request made me think, “How can we best support those who have been diagnosed with cancer?” [Tweet this]
I asked Kathleen and her small group to put together a list of ideas.
After we posted 15 Things You Can Do When Someone You Love Has Cancer, the response was breathtaking. Additional suggestions flooded in. (Read the first post, here).
We compiled the comments, emails, and posts you offered. Here are 20 MORE things you can do when someone you love has cancer: [Tweet this]
1. Help them with their laundry. Pick it up, take it home with you, and drop it back off.
2. Talk about things other than the sickness and treatments. Talk to them about everyday life, their children, spouses, friends, the local news and so on. Give their mind a break.
3. Take your friend on an outing to the park, coffee shop, or lunch. Give them a change of pace and scenery.
4. Offer to clean their house.
5. Don’t ask if they need something done. If you see it, humbly do it for them.
6. Help the caregiver by filling in for a few hours and giving them a break.
7. Let them talk and be honest with their feelings. Don’t force them to talk about their situation, but open up your listening ears for when they are ready.
8. Show your support by offering words of encouragement both verbally and in writing.
9. Pay a bill for them without them knowing it.
10. Go sit at the hospital while they are undergoing treatment or surgery.
11. Give gas gift cards. Trips to the hospital drain the tank fast.
12. Volunteer to be the one to send out the updates to friends and families. Try to take one more thing off their plate.
13. Offer to run errands for them. Go to the grocery store, or run to the post office or bank.
14. Don’t offer unsolicited advice about doctors, treatment, or clinics.
15. Give hugs and place a hand on their shoulder. It helps them know you care and are there for them.
16. Don’t tell them they look sick, pale, or like they’ve lost weight. They know how they look, and they are most likely very self-conscious about it.
17. Be receptive to when they need space. Sometimes they need some alone time.
18. Read aloud to them. Whether it is the newspaper, a book, or magazine. It provides company and gives their mind a break.
19. Offer a smile. Sometimes no words are needed.
20. Provide a shoulder for them to cry on, and if you feel inclined, cry with them.
Weigh in: What would you add to this list?
I would definitely connect #10 to #17!
Going through cancer treatment myself…and being an introvert…the last thing i wanted was someone sitting at the hospital with me! (and they showed up anyway…..)
Be aware of personality needs…. some love company, others love quiet.
(my journey)… http://www.highwayc.wordpress.com
Nina, thank you for sharing! That is a very important aspect that I didn’t think of. Not ALL people need the company 24/7. Instead, be receptive to their personality type. Praying for you as you undergo this journey– keep shining God’s light!
My friend is depressed but don’t want anymore medication how can I help her plus she has cervical cancer she says she gets hysterical once they try to do her treatments examinations etc please help if anyone went through this
Margaret…as an almost 10 year survivor of breast cancer, I must say these are awesome and wonderful ideas. I, too, agree with Nina Graff. There WERE some times when I just needed to be alone.
One thing I don’t see here, and didn’t realize when my journey began until a friend suggested it was to bring someone (a good friend, not a close family member who may no doubt be just as overwhelmed and as anxious as the patient) along to your office visits to take notes.
When I first got my cancer diagnosis, and weeks afterwards, I was inundated with so much info, I thought my brain would explode. To say I was overwhelmed by everything was an understatement. However, I had a dear, clear-headed, very wise friend who offered to come along with me and she listened, took notes and asked questions when I looked lost and my face went blank. I was SO grateful to her for doing this.
So love you for putting this together, Margaret. Thank you!!!
Pam, That is an INCREDIBLE suggestion! So often normal check-ups leave me scratching my head with the doctor’s mumbo-jumbo. I can imagine the onslaught of medication, side-effects, warnings, etc… can be overwhelming (to say the least). Thanks so much for this tip!!
Also– PRAISE GOD for being 10 years cancer-free!
I have the blessing and privilege of just spending 6 days as a dorm mom to 12 four to six year old little boys this week who are fighting cancer or who are in remission at Camp Quality in Northwest Missouri.
Moms and Dads leave their kids entrusted to us for a week. And I’m not going to lie, it’s rough emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I can’t imagine being a parent to one of these little guys 24/7, 365 as some of their needs and attention can blow your mind. Boys who needed new clothes, to boys who just needed some love.
So I would add, seek out ways to give Moms and Dads of kids with cancer some down time with a date night here or there! Or volunteer to sit with the little one next time he or she needs treatment.
It doesn’t take much to bless others – sometimes just the heart and courage to say “yes” to love others by allowing God to use you to meet the needs of another.
Wow! The whole concept of Camp Quality is amazing. Thank you for serving and loving on those kids and their parents so well, Donna. I can’t imagine how hanging out with them for just one week transforms you.
I love the idea of offering babysitting or helping wiped moms and dads a night out.
One of the nicest things you can do is prepare a family meal. We did this for a friend that had a lot of out of town company coming in. Our church group prepared meals and froze them, Print the cooking directions with black marker on top of the aluminum foil. One of the nicest things for me was having meals prepared for us but then the giver would usually stay for a visit……. I agree some alone time is needed.
I love that you put the directions on the top– no way to mix it up then! Thanks for the tip, Debbie!
The only thing I might add to is the one about not offering advice about treatments, clinics, etc. My husband has leukemia, and we actually welcome suggestions from people about things that have worked for them or others they know of. Information can be hard to find on cures for different kinds of cancer. The key is to offer the advice without any expectation. To simply say, “Here is something that might work, you might want to check it out,” has been helpful to us. We have been given books, and alternative treatment ideas that have been helpful.
Amy, thanks for sharing this!
Hi, Margaret. Love that you’re compiling these lists! As someone going through treatment now, it’s hard to ask a friend for help. I always tell them, “When you’re at Costco or Vons, call me. If you’re there, maybe you can pick me up a few things.” This feels so much easier on me (the “patient”) than calling someone out of the blue and asking if they could run to Costco for me. I could not do that! I know they would in a heart beat, but that’s tough for me. So if they call while they’re there, it’s a win-win! Also, another great gift idea for someone who has lost their hair is a hoodie! It’s great to wear at night because it keeps your head and neck warm. My hats would pop off and my scarves would strangle me at night! 🙂
Ruthie, love love love the hoodie idea! Thanks for sharing!
I love hearing all these suggestions! I work for a non-profit called MyLifeLine.org and we provide free sites to people affected by cancer so they can keep everyone updated in one place (re #12 we have a feature that lets people do this too) they can also use our calendar feature to ask for volunteers they need. Hearing about what else is helpful gives me more ideas for ways to make our site helpful and to be helpful myself when I’m talking to people. Thanks for the article!
I love your site on CANCER…awesome ideas!
I am a 17 yr. SURVIVOR OF CML (CHRONIC MYELOID LEUKEMIA)! VERY GREATFUL THAT I HAVE BEEN IN MMR (MOLECULAR REMISSION) FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW!
As AWESOME as this is and as GREATFUL as I am…..what everyone that has someone dealing with this particular CANCER needs to realize this is a CHRONIC CANCER….ONGOING….I WILL BE ON SOME FORM OF TREATMENT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE…I HAVE BEEN ON 6 DIFFERENT CHEMO’S…..MY BODY HAS BEEN & CONTINUES TO BE TORN APART WITH DIFFERENT SIDE EFFECTS…….LIFE GOES ON & A LOT OF PEOPLE LEAVE, FORGET AND ARE NOT THERE AS THEY WERE THE FIRST FEW YEAR’S…..ITS A VERY TOUGH CANCER TO DEAL WITH……WITH WHAT YOUR ARTICLE IS ABOUT….I WAS GIVEN 3 yrs. TO LIVE WHEN DXD AND HERE I AM ALMOST 17 yrs. LATER…I HAVE CONSTANT JOINT, MUSCLE & BONE PAIN….ALSO NEUROPATHY…..I TAKE 14 OTHER MEDS. BESIDES THE CANCER TREATMENT!
I GUESS WITH ALL OF THIS….I WOULD HOPE YOU WOULD THINK ABOUT A LIST OF WHAT YOUR FAMILY & FRIENDS CAN DO FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVE A “CHRONIC CANCER!”…..HONESTLY IT CAN BE HELL WITHOUT A GREAT QUALITY OF LIFE…..THE PRICE WE PAY? GOD BLESS US ALL!
Hello, I have a rare form of cancer called NETs or Carcinoid cancer ( steve jobs had this) I have been going through treatments for the last 2+years and know some great ideas that would help patients. First, I get alot of “do you need anythings” and being the independent type it is so hard to ask for anything! But if you know me and came by, you would see the dog needs walked, dishes need done, laundry is overwhelming, family needs dinner, etc…everyone assumes since I have teens that there is no need to help me around house. Sometimes it takes everything I have to walk the dog because nobody is home. Or a week+ to get the energy to clean. Well, we all know how teens love to cook n clean! Sometimes the whole family needs a break from the little things. Needless to say the finances are at an all time low! So you could imagine what a little thing like washing the towels or a small grocery gift card or just bringing by a bag of groceries would be a great cheerer upper!! What may seem small to most is huge to someone facing a life threatening illness. It totally consumes your brain. One more thing is the kids. They are silently struggling with worries and fear of losing a parent. Taking them out for a fun filled day or trip or even new shoes..or just letting them know you are there and not avoiding them would be a great relief!
1) Had lunch with friends BEFORE treatment, I was more relaxed, friendships deepend & in turn I helped them later in their in crisis.
2) Leave anonymous gifts on their front porch, as simple as lemon drops for masking chemo taste
3) Take flowers, if no allergies
4) Survival kit for the family during long visits in hospital – water, healthy snacks, magazine, crosswords or???, pen and paper, tissues, chocolate!
5) Celebrate along the way, have parties for surviving just the prior treatment.
a “pink party” – with friends,church, all paper products, dessert, and foods as pink as possible: pink lemonade, (Paprika on Fr Bread
6) if person wants company during chemo, take small games, a very light snack, fluids to pass the time
Love these ideas, Lyn! Thank you for sharing. Hugs!