Contempt Archives - Margaret Feinberg

Giving Up Contempt for Lent: The Power of The Cross

Margaret — April 2, 2012 — 2 Comments

I have tried (all too often unsuccessfully) to give up contempt for Lent. The journey over the last month and a half has revealed just how much contempt I have in my life-sometimes toward the oddest things and situations, ranging from my bank to people who don’t take a shower in the weeks before they get on a flight to disdain for harsh leaders.

Proverbs 11:12 tells us that those who despise their neighbor are void of wisdom and Proverbs 18:3 reminds us that when the wicked come, so does contempt. In other words contempt doesn’t just undermine our ability to walk in wisdom, but reveals we’re walking hand in hand with wickedness (ouch!).

Contempt’s friends include pride, arrogance, anger, bitterness, cynicism, sarcasm, impurity, and disrespect. If left unchecked, contempt can wreak havoc on so many areas of life-our relationships, our family, our churches, our workplaces, our nation, and our journeys with God. I have found all these things to be true during this season of Lent.

I find myself crying out with the Psalmist, “Have mercy upon us, O Lord, have mercy upon us: for we are exceedingly filled with contempt” (Psalm 123:3).

But in this Holy Week, I’m reminded that Christ was no stranger to contempt. He was despised and rejected of men (Isaiah 53:3). After piercing his skull with a crown of razor sharp thorns, they mocked him-a verbal expression of contempt-saying “Hail, King of the Jews” (Matthew 27:29). Jesus took the contempt, not only of those present at his death but for all people for all time who expressed contempt for Christ. Jesus took the contempt that I deserve from God for all my imperfections, wrongdoings, and shortcomings on Himself. In the wake of such love, more than ever, I want to live without contempt.

Entering this final week of Lent, I want continue to die in this area of my life and lay hold of the resurrection power of Christ to live without (or at least a lot less!) contempt in my life.

I pray as you approach Easter that you find Christ’s death and the power of His resurrection alive in your hearts and spirits in greater measure.

Looking forward to answering the refrain, He is Risen!, this Sunday.

What lessons are you taking away from this season of Lent?

**Photo courtesy of here.

In Dive Deeper Christ, Contempt, Easter, Lent, Resurrection, Sunday, wickedness, wisdom

Giving Up Contempt for Lent: The Clock Ticks Down

Margaret — March 26, 2012 — Leave a comment

After weeks of giving up contempt for Lent, I realize just how much more I’ve become aware of the presence of contempt in my life as well as the many ways it expresses or shows itself-sarcasm, biting comments, darker humor. I also find myself catching myself-apologizing quickly for making such comments, changing the conversation’s direction, silencing any further statements.

While being aware is essential, I long for more. I don’t want to just be aware of contempt or even give it up but be rid of contempt. Maybe that’s not possible. But I keep praying. Keep asking. Keep hoping for some sort of further breakthrough.

The days are passing by. Easter is coming. Jesus. Bring. Your. Resurrection. In. This. Area. Of. My. Life.

*Photo courtesy of here

In Dive Deeper Contempt, Easter, giving up, Humor, Jesus, Lent, Resurrection, sarcasm

Giving Up Contempt for Lent: When Contempt Rises Again

Margaret — March 19, 2012 — 2 Comments

I recently learned of a leader of an organization who fell in disgrace. I should have felt compassion, but all I felt was contempt.

I knew too much.

I’d heard one too many stories of the misappropriation of funds and the over-reporting of the non-profit’s impact. Their behavior and approach had done more harm than good in that area of the world. Numerous other organizations-with fewer resources and less recognition-who tried to make a difference in that area had to overcome the mess they’d left behind. The reports of fiscal irresponsibility and poor leadership wasn’t just told by those outside the organization but also those who worked in the organization.

So when their leader fell, I wasn’t surprised.

But I was surprised at how hard my heart had become toward them. Not even a spark of compassion. Nada.

And that exposes the great danger of contempt. It short-circuits the work of love of in our lives. A powerful love that triumphs, that overcomes, that rises again can so quickly be snuffed out by a little contempt. And somewhere along the way, I think I somehow snuff out the work of God, too. Because God is love. He is the source of all love. When I refuse to love, to show and feel compassion, in essence I throw my palm up to God and say, “Here and no further!”

I’m left to stew in my contempt.

But I don’t want to live that way. So I pray this day. I pray for love and compassion that I don’t feel. I pray for this leader whose life has just been marked by loss. I pray for this organization that wisdom and grace and guidance and blessing would come in divine ways.

And that God would not only forgive me of my contempt but remove it from my heart.

Boy, this contempt has been a hard one to give up for Lent!

*Photo courtesy of here

In Dive Deeper compassion, Contempt, God is love, hard heart, leadersip, Lent, organizations

Giving Up Contempt For Lent

Margaret — March 12, 2012 — 2 Comments

As Lent continues, and I’m determined to give up contempt for six weeks, I’m beginning to see more clearly the harm contempt does in my life. Contempt is like a wide wedge that slips in my life and my relationships—separating me from God and others whenever I allow it in. When contempt festers, that wedge becomes deeper and the separation gap grows wider.

I think Jesus gives us one of the secrets to overcoming contempt in Luke 18:9-14. Jesus looks at those who carry contempt in their heart—namely, because they’re confident in their own righteousness. He tells the parable of two men who go up to the temple to pray. The Pharisee stands tall and proud in all that he does and leaves undone, but the tax collector stands on the outer edge, regretful and repentant, begging for mercy. Jesus says the repentant tax collector stands right before God.

This parable resonates deep inside of me. For the last few weeks I’ve been discovering that uprooting contempt in my life during Lent isn’t about behavior or attitude modification. Awareness is necessary. Change is essential. But the real shift in my life comes with a change of perspective—between myself and God—that leads to a change in the way I see and respond to others.

I feel like I’m a work in progress (and not just when it comes to contempt). But I’m moving forward, day by day, week by week, trusting God complete the work He’s begun in me. More to come.

**Photo courtesy of: here

In Uncategorized cliff, Contempt, gap, Jesus, Lent, Luke 18:9-14. parable, repent, tax collector, wedge

This year I gave up something unusual for Lent: Contempt.

After more than a week of giving up contempt for Lent, I’ve discovered something rather unremarkable:

I have a lot of contempt in my life.

Honestly. Not surprising. What caught me off guard, though, was how contempt has revealed itself in my life. Contempt tends to pop up in the crevices of my life, thin corners and deep crags, places I wouldn’t have guessed.

A friend of a friend asked to purchase something we owned. I spent most of the day getting it ready only to have that person not show up. I felt contempt. But I soon realized that in addition to feeling disdain for the person, I immediately assumed the worse-that the person had never intended to purchase the item or wanted to waste my time. Later I discovered that they had a sick one they had to care for last minute and didn’t get a chance to call.

From the experience, I discovered that one of the biggest problems with having contempt in my life is that it leads to me to see the worst in people and situations rather than the best.

For example, while teaching the weekend services at a fabulous church in Houston, the church attenders were a bit unruly-sometimes in the most beautiful ways. One man walked right up to me the middle of the sermon, while I was teaching, stared at me, then walked away. I kind of liked him. And then there were infants who screamed and cried, but unlike other churches, the parents didn’t remove them from the service. Again, unbothered. We even watched as people stole items from our book table-again, just smiled, after all if someone is going to steal, I’m glad they’re taking items that share the love of God.

But in one service, I heard a squeaking toy. SQUEAK. SQUEAK. It grew louder and louder. As I’m teaching, trying not to lose my train of thought, I’m wondering, “Did someone grab one of Hershey’s squeaky toys?” “What is that?” “Why won’t it stop?”

God is. SQUEAK. Our Good Shepherd. SQUEAK. SQUEAK. He hears us. SQUEAK. When we cry out. SQUEAK. To Him. SQUEAK.

That’s when my contempt surfaced. I was so upset at the squeaky toy. Why didn’t someone make it stop?

Rather than break from teaching, I simply raised my voice to drown out the squeaking. In a few moments-that felt like forever-the squeaking ended.

After the service, I found out that animals weren’t playing wild with squeaky toys. A small boy was running around wearing squeaky shoes.

Squeaky toys during a sermon made me feel contempt.

Another area where contempt surfaced that surprised me was toward my bank. We use a major bank and when someone brought up their name, I responded with a sharp, sarcastic comment. I’ve been bothered by their lack of customer care, neglect of sending statements, and employees who are trying to upsell me some feature every time I make a deposit for two years. But I’ve been hesitant to change banks because of all the work involved changing direct withdraws for all our bills.

Now I realize that it’s time to make that change.

At times, contempt alerts us to areas of forgiveness and grace we need to develop, but sometimes contempt reveals just a basic shift we need to make in how we do things.

But the biggest moment of contempt came when I was meeting a friend for lunch. Already running a few minutes late, I popped in the car to see the low fuel warning. I swung by the gas station and filled up. Then drove 3-4 miles down the road. That’s when I felt the engine tugging and realized:

I filled our diesel car with unleaded.

I cannot tell you the contempt I felt for myself-it was a thousand times worse than anything I’ve felt for anyone else. How could I have been so incredibly (insert dirty-dog ugly words here)?

Stranded between the exit ramp and the Interstate, I called my beloved husband to deliver the news: I had ruined his car.

Then I called a tow truck. They took our vehicle to the nearest dealership.

The next day we discovered that I had done between $5000 and $7000 in damage to the car.

But that’s also when received one of the most amazing gifts of grace I’ve ever received: the damage was covered under warranty.

I don’t understand why. I didn’t ask why. I just said, Thank you, a billion times over to the repairman.

This season of Lent as I’ve begun to glimpse my own contempt, I’ve seen a breathtaking moment of undeserved grace. And I can’t help but notice how in the face of grace, contempt falls by the wayside.

What lessons (easy or hard) are you learning during this season of preparation?

**Photo courtesy of: here.