Moms and dads keep asking, “Where did I go wrong?”
I hear the stories of heartbreak.
The adult child who wants nothing to do with God, church, or faith.
The daughter raised in the church who is now selling her body for drugs.
The son who is so angry at his parents he hasn’t spoken to them in years.
My heart aches with each story. The loving parent who more than anything wants their child back in a healthy relationship with God and them.
Throughout the spring, I’ve had the delight of being part of the Women of Joy tour and listening to Phil Waldrep dispense some of the best teaching I’ve ever heard for parents walking this rough journey.
He goes into much depth, offering practical insight and action steps in his book, Reaching Your Prodigal: What Did I Do Wrong? What Do I Do Now?
Today I wanted to highlight two important principles from the book:
Principle One: Get Over the Guilt
The parent of the prodigal sometimes feels like they have made a mistake and that their child is away from the Lord because of something they did or failed to do in parenting.
As long as you feel guilty, the devil and your prodigal can manipulate you and steal your joy.
Get over the guilt so that you’re in a position of strength to make the tough decisions to help your prodigal.
Sometimes your prodigal will want to blame somebody else for their behavior, especially when it’s an addictive behavior like drugs or alcohol. They don’t want to take responsibility so they blame somebody else, sometimes the parent. In Luke 15, Jesus talked about people taking responsibility for their actions.
Evaluate what the prodigal is saying. If the parent deserves the blame, then they need to apologize, ask for forgiveness and say let’s move on. As the parent, don’t try to justify your behavior. Don’t try to argue, but also don’t allow your prodigal to regulate or destroy you.
Truth to remember: Your prodigal is responsible for his or her actions. You are not. Stop feeling guilty, or you will be powerless to help your prodigal.
Principle Two: Allow the Pain of Wrong Choices
You have to do what’s right, lovingly and consistently. You don’t enable their behavior, but instead you practice tough love by loving them unconditionally.
You have to allow your prodigal to face the consequences of their decisions.
An example would be that they learn the pain of losing a job because of laying out of work. As parents, we can say, “I love you, but you have to face the consequences.”
Truth to remember.
If family members help prodigals avoid the consequences of their actions, they will remain prodigals. Love requires you let your prodigal accept responsibility.
I have looked at purchasing this book 2 times now Margaret, most recently on Mother’s Day. It keeps popping up in my FB feed. Thanks for the write up! Hugs ?
Yes! Check it out. Hugs!