23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

Margaret —  April 4, 2013 — 51 Comments

23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

During Lent, people from around the world joined together to read the entire Bible in 40 Days. Don’t worry. You don’t need to wait until next Lent to read the Bible through—you can begin today! To download a free copy of the reading guide, click here.

After such an immersion into Scripture, it’s time to laugh and play.

Though friends in your small group may guffaw at your punny-ness, kids are more likely to laugh hard and share a few of their own. Here are 23 of the best Bible jokes and riddles:

Q. Why couldn't Jonah trust the ocean?

A. Because he knew there was something fishy about it. [Tweet this]

 

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

 

23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

Q. Did Eve ever have a date with Adam?

A. No, just an apple. [Tweet this]

 

Q. Where was Solomon's temple located?

A. On the side of his head. [Tweet this]

 

Q. Why didn't Noah go fishing?

A. He only had two worms. [Tweet this]

23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

 

Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?

A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court. [Tweet this]

 

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

 

Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

A. It's Christmas, Eve! [Tweet this]

 

Q. How does Moses make his coffee?

A. Hebrews it. [Tweet this]

 

Q. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?

A. By his net income. [Tweet this]

 

Q. Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?

A. Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago. [Tweet this]

23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

Q. Who was the smartest man in the Bible?

A. Abraham. He knew a Lot. [Tweet this]

 

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?

A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. [Tweet this]

 

Q. Who was the fastest runner in the race?

A. Adam, because he was first in the human race. [Tweet this]

 

Q. Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?

A. He thought he saw a job. [Tweet this]

 

Q. What animal could Noah not trust?

A. Cheetah [Tweet this]

23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson. He brought the house down. [Tweet this]

 

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?

A. Ruthless. [Tweet this]

 

Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?

A. Quackers [Tweet this]

 

Q. Which Bible Character is a locksmith?

A. Zaccheus. [Tweet this]

 

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?

A. Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1). [Tweet this]

 

Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

A. In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

 

Think these were funny? Check out the 23 Best Christian Pick-Up Lines.

What Bible joke have you heard that we can add to the collection? Leave your answer as a comment on this blog.

Special thanks to the following sites for these jokes:

http://quizlet.com/13486948/corny-bible-jokes-flash-cards/[MF3]

http://www.slideshare.net/kensapp/bible-jokes

http://kruszer.tripod.com/jokes.html

http://www.adviceopedia.com/Funny_Bible_Questions

http://www.you-can-be-funny.com/FunnyBibleQuestions.html

http://www.joke-archives.com/spirit/bibleriddles.html

http://www.revelation.co/2009/09/21/a-few-clean-bible-jokes-and-riddles-for-christians/

http://thechurchofgroove.com/viewtopic.php?t=4637

http://beansbaby.blogspot.com/2008/08/corny-bible-jokes.html

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060907201343AADb8m8

http://home.snu.edu/~hculbert/trivia.htm

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51 responses to 23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

  1. What was the first word out of Adam’s mouth when he first saw Eve? Whoa man! Thus, the word “woman” was created.

  2. Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night? Pastor Bedtime

  3. I don’t have a joke but… when my daughter was small (she is 19 now) her Sunday School Teacher told the kids they were going to talk about Moses and He asked “Who can tell me anything about Moses?”

    To which my daughter replied with all the wisdom of her 3 years “He’s dead.”
    Her teacher had a good chuckle… and so did we.

  4. Who is the shortest man in the Bible?

    Answer: (Not Zaccheaus, but…) Bildad the Shuhite! (Shoe-height!)

  5. Janice Stewart April 4, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    Who is the fattest lady in the Bible?
    The woman of Samaria (some area)

  6. How do you know that they had motorbikes in the Old Testament?

    Because “the roar of David’s triumph was heard throughout Jerusalem”

  7. This guy walks up to his friends and says: ” now I know who was crucified alongside Jesus, it was the Apostle Paul’s father, because Paul said ‘my old man was crucified…’ “

  8. On a church message board: “Don’t worry if you feel like you can’t get it all together, Moses was a basket case too!”

  9. Who was the most evil man in the Bible?
    Moses. He broke all ten commandments at ounce,

    Did you know there was Pole Vaulting in the bible?
    Yeah, Jesus cleared the temple.

    There’s smoking in the Bible too.
    Rachel lit off her camel.

    There’s also a Honda.
    They were all in one accord.

    There was a cliff hanger of a baseball game in Acts…
    …they were praying in the ninth.

  10. Q. Who was the straightest man in the bible?

    A. Joesph, the king made him a ruler.

  11. Who is the biblical character who likes to drink sodas/soft drinks?
    Answer: HABBA-COKE (Habakkuk)

  12. What’s the smallest sin in the Bible?
    Flee fornication.

  13. My son, 7 at the time, thought Pontius Pilate was the first exercise guy. (Pilates)

  14. What were lots last words to his wife? . . . Is someone following us ?

  15. Why was Goliath so surprised when David slew him? A thing like that had never entered his head before.

  16. How do we know moses had elastic skin?
    Because he tide his ass to a tree and walked 2 leagues

  17. who was the first barber in the bible ? (A) Mathew, because he mark, Luke and John.

  18. Who was the most elastic man in the Bible?

    The prophet Ballum. He tied his ass to a tree and walked twenty miles.

  19. Q: What is the only state of the United States to be mentioned in the Bible?
    A: Moses looked out of the ark and saw (Arkansas).

    Boy: “Mom, is it true that God formed man from the dust of the ground?”
    Mom: “Yes, Johnny, that’s true.”
    Boy: “And is the saying ‘Ashes to ashes and dust to dust’ also true?”
    Mom: “Yes, that’s what the Bible says.”
    Boy: “Well, then, you’d better come quick and look under my bed! I think someone’s either coming or going!”

  20. What love song did Jacob sing to Leah?

    “Hey there DULLEYElah”

  21. Who is the first Comedian on Earth?God is the first Comedian on Earth (Gen. 21:6 – and sarah said, ‘God had made me to laugh…’)

  22. Very nice and thrilling. Here is one from me

    Why did God spew out some Christians in revelation?
    Because they were not salty.

  23. here’s one that naturally came up in our teen school class so i reworded it and turned it into a joke.

    Teacher: Naturally students, when men die they turn back into dust.
    Student: Well why is that?
    Teacher: Well because the Bible says that God created Adam from dust. So since man was created from dust, to dust they shall return.
    Student: So when women die they turn into a rib?

  24. a couple of drug related incidents in the bible..( moses coming down with the tablets and stephen got stoned to death)..

  25. Where’s the firt mention of “laxatives” in the Bible? Exodus, the part when “Mose took the tablets and went into the wilderness”…

  26. Do you need an arc?
    I NOAH guy.
    :)

  27. Are you aware that there is a Square Dance class in the Bible? The last verse of the book of Jonah in the Old Testament refers to 120,000 people that don’t know their left hand from their right hand….. That’s a square dance class !!!!

  28. Was the greatest financier in the bible
    pharos’s daghter she went down to the bank and pulled out a little prophet.

  29. Kim Kurt Cayuban May 6, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    (YOU CAN CONSIDER THIS AS A FACT)

    Q:What came first, egg or chicken?

    A: [Genesis 1:21] So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abounded, according to their kind, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. :)

  30. Did you know MT. DEW is biblical? Judges 6:38 and it was so: for he rose up early on the morrow, and thrust the fleece together, and wringed the dew out of the fleece

    • Where is baseball in the Bible? Genesis 1:1 In the Big Inning.

      Who in the
      Bible came from a fire. The wise men. They came from a far…southern talk!!

  31. How did Lot cause the death of his wife. He said, “Is any one following us, Honey?”

  32. Hope you don’t have this one yet; but if you do oh well…

    Do you know what kind of car the Philistines drove? A Honda…the Bible says that they were “all in one Accord”!

  33. do you know that there are many types of human bein writin in the bible just like :one with big eye-isaiah :mental problem-colosians :sturbon-jonah:sea food-titus :big mouth-mathew call me @ 09091810033 for more details

  34. How long did Cain hate his brother?
    As long as he was Able!

  35. I see from above that you got the shortest man in the Bible, Bildad the Shoe-hight, one of Job’s friends. But do you know the second shortest man in the Bible? It was Knee-high-miah (Nehemiah).

  36. Who was the most constipated person in the bible? Solomon – he was on the throne for 40 years….

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