23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

Margaret —  April 4, 2013 — 118 Comments

23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

During Lent, people from around the world joined together to read the entire Bible in 40 Days. Don’t worry. You don’t need to wait until next Lent to read the Bible through—you can begin today! To download a free copy of the reading guide, click here.

After such an immersion into Scripture, it’s time to laugh and play.

Though friends in your small group may guffaw at your punny-ness, kids are more likely to laugh hard and share a few of their own. Here are 23 of the best Bible jokes and riddles:

Q. Why couldn't Jonah trust the ocean?

A. Because he knew there was something fishy about it. [Tweet this]


Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.


23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

Q. Did Eve ever have a date with Adam?

A. No, just an apple. [Tweet this]


Q. Where was Solomon's temple located?

A. On the side of his head. [Tweet this]


Q. Why didn't Noah go fishing?

A. He only had two worms. [Tweet this]

23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles


Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?

A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court. [Tweet this]


Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.


Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

A. It's Christmas, Eve! [Tweet this]


Q. How does Moses make his coffee?

A. Hebrews it. [Tweet this]


Q. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?

A. By his net income. [Tweet this]


Q. Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?

A. Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago. [Tweet this]

23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

Q. Who was the smartest man in the Bible?

A. Abraham. He knew a Lot. [Tweet this]


Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?

A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. [Tweet this]


Q. Who was the fastest runner in the race?

A. Adam, because he was first in the human race. [Tweet this]


Q. Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?

A. He thought he saw a job. [Tweet this]


Q. What animal could Noah not trust?

A. Cheetah [Tweet this]

23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson. He brought the house down. [Tweet this]


Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?

A. Ruthless. [Tweet this]


Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?

A. Quackers [Tweet this]


Q. Which Bible Character is a locksmith?

A. Zaccheus. [Tweet this]


Q. Which Bible character had no parents?

A. Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1). [Tweet this]


Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

A. In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.


Think these were funny? Check out the 23 Best Christian Pick-Up Lines.

What Bible joke have you heard that we can add to the collection? Leave your answer as a comment on this blog.

Special thanks to the following sites for these jokes:












118 responses to 23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles

  1. What was the first word out of Adam’s mouth when he first saw Eve? Whoa man! Thus, the word “woman” was created.

  2. Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night? Pastor Bedtime

  3. I don’t have a joke but… when my daughter was small (she is 19 now) her Sunday School Teacher told the kids they were going to talk about Moses and He asked “Who can tell me anything about Moses?”

    To which my daughter replied with all the wisdom of her 3 years “He’s dead.”
    Her teacher had a good chuckle… and so did we.

  4. Who is the shortest man in the Bible?

    Answer: (Not Zaccheaus, but…) Bildad the Shuhite! (Shoe-height!)

  5. Janice Stewart April 4, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    Who is the fattest lady in the Bible?
    The woman of Samaria (some area)

  6. How do you know that they had motorbikes in the Old Testament?

    Because “the roar of David’s triumph was heard throughout Jerusalem”

  7. This guy walks up to his friends and says: ” now I know who was crucified alongside Jesus, it was the Apostle Paul’s father, because Paul said ‘my old man was crucified…’ “

  8. On a church message board: “Don’t worry if you feel like you can’t get it all together, Moses was a basket case too!”

  9. Who was the most evil man in the Bible?
    Moses. He broke all ten commandments at ounce,

    Did you know there was Pole Vaulting in the bible?
    Yeah, Jesus cleared the temple.

    There’s smoking in the Bible too.
    Rachel lit off her camel.

    There’s also a Honda.
    They were all in one accord.

    There was a cliff hanger of a baseball game in Acts…
    …they were praying in the ninth.

  10. Q. Who was the straightest man in the bible?

    A. Joesph, the king made him a ruler.

  11. Who is the biblical character who likes to drink sodas/soft drinks?
    Answer: HABBA-COKE (Habakkuk)

  12. What’s the smallest sin in the Bible?
    Flee fornication.

  13. My son, 7 at the time, thought Pontius Pilate was the first exercise guy. (Pilates)

  14. What were lots last words to his wife? . . . Is someone following us ?

  15. Why was Goliath so surprised when David slew him? A thing like that had never entered his head before.

  16. How do we know moses had elastic skin?
    Because he tide his ass to a tree and walked 2 leagues

    • LOOL!! omg

    • Kaylea Melcher July 11, 2016 at 10:36 pm

      Why would you use a course word when your a Christian? You could have use the word “butt”. Not trying to be disobedient because I’m 13 but the way I’ve been brought up as a Christian we are never to say words like that.

  17. who was the first barber in the bible ? (A) Mathew, because he mark, Luke and John.

  18. Who was the most elastic man in the Bible?

    The prophet Ballum. He tied his ass to a tree and walked twenty miles.

  19. Q: What is the only state of the United States to be mentioned in the Bible?
    A: Moses looked out of the ark and saw (Arkansas).

    Boy: “Mom, is it true that God formed man from the dust of the ground?”
    Mom: “Yes, Johnny, that’s true.”
    Boy: “And is the saying ‘Ashes to ashes and dust to dust’ also true?”
    Mom: “Yes, that’s what the Bible says.”
    Boy: “Well, then, you’d better come quick and look under my bed! I think someone’s either coming or going!”

  20. What love song did Jacob sing to Leah?

    “Hey there DULLEYElah”

  21. Who is the first Comedian on Earth?God is the first Comedian on Earth (Gen. 21:6 – and sarah said, ‘God had made me to laugh…’)

  22. Very nice and thrilling. Here is one from me

    Why did God spew out some Christians in revelation?
    Because they were not salty.

  23. here’s one that naturally came up in our teen school class so i reworded it and turned it into a joke.

    Teacher: Naturally students, when men die they turn back into dust.
    Student: Well why is that?
    Teacher: Well because the Bible says that God created Adam from dust. So since man was created from dust, to dust they shall return.
    Student: So when women die they turn into a rib?

  24. a couple of drug related incidents in the bible..( moses coming down with the tablets and stephen got stoned to death)..

  25. Where’s the firt mention of “laxatives” in the Bible? Exodus, the part when “Mose took the tablets and went into the wilderness”…

  26. Do you need an arc?
    I NOAH guy.

  27. Are you aware that there is a Square Dance class in the Bible? The last verse of the book of Jonah in the Old Testament refers to 120,000 people that don’t know their left hand from their right hand….. That’s a square dance class !!!!

  28. Was the greatest financier in the bible
    pharos’s daghter she went down to the bank and pulled out a little prophet.

  29. Kim Kurt Cayuban May 6, 2014 at 8:18 pm


    Q:What came first, egg or chicken?

    A: [Genesis 1:21] So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abounded, according to their kind, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 🙂

  30. Did you know MT. DEW is biblical? Judges 6:38 and it was so: for he rose up early on the morrow, and thrust the fleece together, and wringed the dew out of the fleece

    • Where is baseball in the Bible? Genesis 1:1 In the Big Inning.

      Who in the
      Bible came from a fire. The wise men. They came from a far…southern talk!!

  31. How did Lot cause the death of his wife. He said, “Is any one following us, Honey?”

  32. Hope you don’t have this one yet; but if you do oh well…

    Do you know what kind of car the Philistines drove? A Honda…the Bible says that they were “all in one Accord”!

  33. do you know that there are many types of human bein writin in the bible just like :one with big eye-isaiah :mental problem-colosians :sturbon-jonah:sea food-titus :big mouth-mathew call me @ 09091810033 for more details

  34. How long did Cain hate his brother?
    As long as he was Able!

  35. I see from above that you got the shortest man in the Bible, Bildad the Shoe-hight, one of Job’s friends. But do you know the second shortest man in the Bible? It was Knee-high-miah (Nehemiah).

  36. Who was the most constipated person in the bible? Solomon – he was on the throne for 40 years….

  37. My personal favorite: “it’s pretty clear from the Buble that the apostle Paul was married. He asked God three times to remove the thorn from his flesh.”

  38. People believe we came from Adam and Eve.Gay people believe they came from Adam and Steve.

  39. Why was Titus scared of Philemom? Because He bruised James.

  40. When was Star Wars first mentioned in the Bible?
    Genesis 3, when God said, “May the curse be with you.”

  41. How many pairs of animals did Moses take to the ark? None it was Noah not Moses

  42. Because you mentioned this at Writer’s Boot Camp, I had to check it out. Did you get these from Craig Blomberg, the king of puns & groaners? I’m glad you’re getting traffic, one way or another.

  43. who was the greatest mathematician in the Bible

    Moses he wrote Numbers

  44. Pastor Jim Marstaller November 26, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    Who got dressed ‘fit to kill’? Jezebel (she painted her eyes before her death)

    Who had a ‘hair raising’ experience that led to his death? Samson, Absalom

    Who was the Irishman in the Bible? 1000th chapter of the Bible, also contains the most familiar verse in the chapter. John 3 Nick O’Demas

    Who were the two ‘perfect’ men in the Bible? Jesus and Mark (Psalm 37:37)

    The shortest man in the Bible was some guy who slept on his watch.

    There is one old translation that speaks of Santa in the minor prophets: ‘Ho, Ho, Ho he who cometh from the North.’

  45. Pastor Jim Marstaller November 26, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    Did Moses ever make it into the Promised Land? Yes, Mount of Transfiguration

  46. Who was the best female financier in the Bible? Pharaoh’s daughter – she went to the Bank of the Nile and withdrew a Prophet.

  47. I really love this humor! I’ve taken several of these and made a design in my Zazzle store. Check it out: http://www.zazzle.com/seeing_scripture*/gifts?cg=196815268691898231

  48. These are really clever. One of my favorites is God so loved the world, He did not send a committee!

  49. Did you know that Jesus was a Dodge man?

    He walked everywhere HE went.

  50. Ahahaa… good one.

  51. Where in the bible did the sun shine once and never again? Email me that answer, lol

  52. Why did Peter deny Jesus three times?
    Jesus healed Peter’s Mother-in-Law.
    Matthew 8:14

  53. Jesus was in the first baseball game. He preached the sermon on the mound.

    Jesus never spoke of His own Honda, He said, “I did not speak of my own Accord.”

  54. Q: When was an awkward moment in the Bible?
    Jesus : “Do you want to be well?”
    Man : “Sir, there is no one to help me get into the pool!

  55. Awkward moment in the Bible.
    People: “How then were your eyes opened?” they asked.
    Man: He replied, “The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. (Hillbilly voice)

  56. Awkward Moment
    5 Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well.
    8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)
    *40 Minutes later*
    31 Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.”

    32 But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”

  57. Awkward Moment : Matthew 8
    A man with a skin disease came to Jesus. The man bowed down before him and said, “Lord, you can heal me if you will.”
    3 Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man and said, “I will. Be healed!”

  58. Awkward moment : John 11
    After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”

    12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.”
    (13 Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.)

  59. Awkward Moment
    Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
    Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.

  60. Why Peter denied Jesus 3 times?
    Because Jesus heal Peters motherlaw

  61. Why was Onan a lousy gardener? Because he spilled his seed.

  62. How do we know fertilizer is in the bible
    Because they always said lettuce spray #let us pray

  63. Why did God make man before woman

    Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it

  64. Jay Dwayne Carter June 18, 2015 at 9:54 am

    lame jokes, i mean they arent even offensive at all…. i wouldnt even laugh at it.. its just too lame, it doesnt have any sort of funnyness in it

  65. This isn’t really a joke but was very cute. I was teaching First/Second graders in Sunday Scool. We were talking about God testing Abraham having asked him to kill his son. Then, as you may know, the angel appeared and told him he didn’t have to kill him. A boy in the class was trying to tell his mom about class and asked me to repeat the story; he then looked at his mom and exclaimed, “Abraham was set up!”

  66. Which two insects are mentioned in the Bible? The widow’s mite, and the wicked flee (flea).

    Was basketball ever played in the Bible? Yes, when David dribbled in his beard.

    Who was the best business woman in the Bible? Pharoah’s daughter – she drew a profit from the rush at the bank.

  67. So, most of us have heard the one about baseball being mentioned in the Bible (Genesis 1:1 – In the Big Inning, God created….), but did you know that a baseball PLAYER was actually mentioned in the Bible?

    According to Exodus 4:2 in the KJB, when God asks Moses what he’s holding in his hand, Moses replies by saying “A Rod!”

  68. Who’s character in the Bible that almost killed 1/4 of the population?..

  69. I would like to be sent one bible riddle each day to my e-mail address. How can I set this up?

    Toni Braun

  70. Baseball comes up again when Ruth walked to the well with a pitcher.

  71. A newlywed couple lay in bed one morning husband says: how bout you go brew us some coffee?
    Wife: that’s your job.
    Hasband: says who?
    Wife : the bible, it’s on just about every page
    Husband: the bible don’t say anything about brewing coffee
    Wife:(Holding her Bible flipping pages) see every page Hebrews, Hebrews, hebrews

  72. Why do we have to be quiet in church?
    Because people are sleeping!

    A conversation among my Children’s Church a while back.
    A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, “My mommy has a baby in her belly!” The little boy next to her was mortified! “Why did your mommy eat a baby!”

  73. “And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best”

    Sony 16:9

  74. Look up “rib” in the dictionary and it says “To vex, irritate or annoy.”

    Look up “rib” in the Bible and it says “Woman.”


  75. A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning.
    The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first.
    The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job.
    The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it.
    The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it.
    She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said “Hebrews”

  76. The Bible says I’ll pay for my sins.

    I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don’t come free.

  77. Recently, I’ve been using the Bible for support.

    I’ve got a wobbly coffee table.

  78. What was the world’s first palindrome?
    Madam, I’m Adam

    Who is the first man mentioned in the Bible?
    Chap 1

    And here’s something that’s kind of like a joke in the Bible from the first chapter of John.

    Philip: “We have found him of whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.”
    Nathaniel: “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Ba-dum

  79. What did they say when Jesus rose on the third day. HE’S ALIVE!

  80. Kelvin Hughes May 7, 2016 at 2:11 pm

    Who was the only Irishman in the bible?
    Nic O’Demus

  81. Even PMS is mentioned in the Bible. The Bible says Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem!!?

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. 23 of the Best Christian Pick-Up Lines, Bible Jokes, and Bible Riddles - October 4, 2013

    […] A few weeks ago, I shared 23 of the best Bible jokes and riddles. You can read that, here.  […]

  2. Is This a Joke, God? ~ Luke 1 | Future.Flying.Saucers - November 14, 2013

    […] a joke book; Bible (HERE is a fun place for Bible […]

  3. Is This a Joke, God? ~ Luke 1 « Future.Flying.Saucers - November 23, 2013

    […] a joke book; Bible (HERE is a fun place for Bible […]

  4. What Happens When 10,000 People Read the Same Book | Margaret FeinbergWhat Happens When 10,000 People Read the Same Book - March 8, 2014

    […] Diving into Scripture reminded me of this cringe-worthy compilation of Bible jokes and riddles: […]

  5. What Did Mama Really Do With The Bible? (FUNNY) - February 15, 2015

    […] 23 of the Best Bible Jokes & Riddles […]

  6. 15 Christian jokes that will tickle your funny bone - April 23, 2015

    […] margaretfeinberg.com/23-of-the-best-bible-jokes-riddles/ […]

  7. 10 Inspiring Images of Defiant Joy | Margaret Feinberg10 Inspiring Images of Defiant Joy - Margaret Feinberg - April 13, 2016

    […] of difficult medical appointments. To battle the downward spiral of anxiety and fear, she started a joke collection with doosies like this […]

Leave a Reply

Text formatting is available via select HTML. <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>